thoughts on pain and how everyone feels so (entitled) to it

i think (that) of the many dangers slash pitfalls in life is the sense of being entitled to one's own pain and sense of loss and the idea that somehow whatever "i" have gone through is definitely WORSE than what YOU have gone through "you dont know pain like i know pain"


meanwhile we make shows and documentaries and like to sit around talking about the children who have no food or clean water in some far off land and how that's just really f'd up...


... loss... is. loss


pain is pain


rain is rain... unless of course youre talking about the singer... then that's a different story (shout out to the king of k-pop yo!)


and ive too often gotten attached to the idea that my loss is greater than anyone who doesn't share the same loss as me...


and then i go and make shows about it and people stand and clap thus adding to my attachment to this loss because it makes me money and causes people to pay attention to me...


while i am quite right in claiming that you can never understand the loss and pain that i feel in my life i really hate having to admit that i can never understand the loss and pain that you feel in yours...


it's pretty much like arguing over who enjoyed their amazing dinner of (insert food choices here) last night the most...


that said id like to point out that last night i enjoyed the most amazing meal of boiled pork, radish and cabbage kimchis, oysters, and soup... so i'm pretty certain that i had the best meal out of anyone who is reading this.


id also like to point out that not only is my art more meaningful due to the fact that my pain and loss are more real than anyone else's - every single break up i've ever gone through has definitely hurt more than anyone else who has ever gone through a break up because "you dont know break ups like i know break ups"


the in house fighting of communities is disgusting and abhorrent and though i scoff at the peacenik verbage that comes out of the mouth of tree hugging hippies i really do agree with the man whose horrible attack at the hands of police brutality said so simply "can't we all just. get. along. ?"

(we can discuss the mis and over use of the word "namaste" another day as right now im too fragile to make myself the victim of angry "namaste" sayers. cuz... "you don't know what it is to make yourself a victim like i know what it is to make myself a victim")


so far as i have discovered in my travels (and by the way "you also don't know what it is to travel the world like i know what it is to travel the world") is that ive yet to meet anyone who has never experienced pain and loss so deeply that it is pretty much miraculous that they have managed to love, heal, and trust again.


i confess that at times i become so involved in my own woes that i become so blind to the woes of those around me because "you dont know woes and you dont know oblivious like i know woes and oblivious"


... and when i realize what i have done i find myself to be as disgusting and as abhorrent as i find the communities that i roll my eyes at to be... because "you dont know eye rolling like i know eye rolling"


... to say that one of us is more marginalized or more maligned or is struggling more is probably pretty close to actually defining the word "blasphemy"


not that i am taking away from those who are truly marginalized, maligned, or struggling...


its just that i wonder what the good is in saying "more"


... and i am in no way implying that we must not strive for change in our communities or to not have as the politicians of late have been yammering on about -"truly robust discourse on the issues that concern us"


but it is pointless to point at ourselves as struggling more... in fact i find pointing to be such a waste of time all together as i figure why raise your hand to point when you can raise your hand to drink a beer ... or in my case - a shot (or 17) of soju. ... or in the case of the 5 and 6 year olds i teach - a glass of milk.


as much as i would like to believe that i hold the golden ticket when it comes to loss i must face the sad humbling reality that my loss is equal to yours... different but equal as we like to say


and that sometimes my being an artist and writer and all around self absorbed self reflecting over-thinking re-analyzer of analyzing really does not help things AT ALL.


i think instead it might be a "better world" if we attached the word "more" to the words of "love" "trust" "healing" "unity" "support" "faith" "creation" "creativity" "fun" "joy" "happiness" etc... all the words that have for some reason been labeled as "emo" slash "hippie" slash "disjointed from reality"


i would hope that we work "more" to "support" one another...


of course it doesn't mean pretending like there aren't issues to address or things to have different opinions on


but lets face it


at the end of the day
when all cliches are said and done
(which according to some should be around dec 2012)


"aint no one know pain and loss like i know pain and loss and ain't no one's opinion right but mine"


so let us in the meantime work "more" to create inspire engage love joy and all other good gut rottingly good sweet things in this life whilst keeping our eyes open to both our own loss and pain and the loss and pain of our friends and family and even the people that we find to be annoying - smelly - and obtuse.


p.s. if you can't understand where the "tongue in cheek" in this lies then let it be known that "you don't know where tongue in cheek lies like i know where tongue in cheek lies"



kim thompson. seoul, s. korea. 12.13 thursday 19 jan 11