Saturday, November 20, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Here is the Mad Lib toast I gave at my sister J's wedding.
Congratulations to the OUTRAGEOUS bride, J + the IRRESISTIBLE groom, A, the BIZARREst couple in the TIVON.
We join you on this, the day of your wedding, a day of DIAMONDS + YOUNG WOMEN.
Five years ago when they met, A's SACROILIAC JOINT was drawn to a GLAMOROUS creature, too OBSCURE for words.
He was overcome with MANIC PANIC and was sure that he had found the woman he was destined to share his SALMON CROQUETTES with.
She gazed at him with her OBNOXIOUS MAUVE eyes and his EARS began to DANCE JOYFULLY.
They kissed and they knew it was love at first IGUANA.
She agreed and he SMELLED her off her feet.
Then, one day, A gathered his courage and asked for J's BIG TOE in marriage.
J was so SHOCKED, she responded immediately with OPA!
And here we witnessed the climatic moment when A kissed J, which he told me tasted like SEXY SHOES.
That's when I knew, this was meant to be.
Their love is as PHAT as the HUDSON SEA.
Anyone who knows A knows that he is SPECIAL + that he can ABSORB with the best of them. He is an amazing guy but he will have to stop JUMPing now that he's married.
And J, my dear sister, who is so WHITE that she can PENETRATE her own COLLAGEN LIPS with her hands tied behind her back. She's not always the WETTest VASELINE in the LIONEL ROBERTS STADIUM, but we love her anyways.
J's ENDEARING TULSA is a great match for A's FUNNY REFRIGERATOR.
Now they are off to enjoy a long life together, enjoying each other's PUPU PLATTERS.
As you set sail on this SEXY adventure, may your love last forever, or until KITTIES can CARTWHEEL.
So raise your PIZZA and join me in wishing the ANNOYING couple a wonderful life together and that they live GENEROUSLY ever after.