gladiator

i am tired of fighting
everyday to keep myself alive
can i go a day without picking up
my weapons of war
wreaths of victory fill the world arena
but who wins when no one can celebrate
and why celebrate victories laced with crimson life?

i am tired of struggling
everyday to keep myself sane
can i go a day without picking up
my pieces of mind
particles scattered to the wind
but what can grow when the land is poisoned
and why does poisoned water satiate ephemeral needs?

i am tired of battling
everyday to keep myself happy
can i go a day without picking up
my pillow stained of tears
endless streams cascade down an already dismal face
but when will these rivulets not burn my face as they run
and why do i keep drying these volcanos when they will just explode?

i am tired of striving
everyday to keep myself going
can i go a day without picking up
my body weary of wear and tear
scars rendered irrevocable with a single word or glance
but how soon will this endless ennui eradicate my existence
and why does my body have the strength to get up?

i am tired of warring
everyday to keep myself optimistic
can i go a day without picking up
my soul of faith
tired eyes open but apathetic, closed but restless
but where can i look and find my heart
and why do i never recover?

i can't be a gladiator anymore