ghosts and meat

this will be more prose than poem: a sort of... just well... it is what it is

.......


last night we're
sitting eating all you can eat meat
im in shock over the possibility of such a thing...
our conversations go from
the things that only ibyangs can really share
to who's seen ghosts
... sitting beneath the soju tent - i cant help but think
how haunted we are
... a big chubby man with a pock marked face who lets me use the "hwa jang sil" at his restaurant
professes his love for me to me
... im drunk so i just smile and say "hmm kam sam ni da" and walk out
he'd seen me wandering up and down trying to find a loo

i go out and cant help but think how...
... his "i love you" sounded so much less creepy than the yellow fevered confessions of big chubby white men in the states...
and how
sometimes... not understanding is a good thing...
...

i return to the tent smiling and tell my friends of his "i lub u"
we laugh and do a shot
and resume our talks of ghosts
babies
mothers
fathers
korea
wedding dinners
i keep wondering who it is thats haunted

i tell them bout the schloss
and jeremy on the landing
and room 12... and the creepy feelings we'd all have
"yeah yeah yeah!"
my friend says
"like when the hair just stands up on the back of your neck! i know what youre talking about!"
i tell em how the door opened and slammed
how all the windows were closed
and how when we asked jeremy what he did next
we howled when he said
"i dropped my shit and ran!"
my friend says "yeah yeah yeah! id run too!"

... i dont tell them bout the faces painted on the walls and how theyre the only things that survived the fire
but i tell em bout the SS and the 14 polish women who went in but never went out
and how there's rumors bout how and where they're buried

... we all agree that there is something more

... i wonder how haunted this country is
if the ghosts of 200,000 wake their mothers in the night
haunting them with visions
i wonder if all the secrets and lies and secrets and lies
and all the shame
take on shape in the shadows

i wonder when this country and its people
my people
our people
will actually care enough
to do more than say
"too bad but well youre so lucky!"
i wonder if they know that we are ghosts
come back to haunt them

we drink more shots
i think the three of us went through 6 bottles last night? maybe 5? who knows... we were chasing spirits...

we filled ourselves with meat and laughter
we ate eel as a beer snack
i thought again trying to imagine the cc club or t-rock selling spicy eel as a beer snack and if any of their patrons could really keep up with our soju drinking...
i smiled to think "not likely"

i wonder if our ghosts still haunt the schloss
if our ghosts haunt powderhorn

i wonder on
babies and their mothers
on all the stories never told

i think about how chubby korean men do not scare me the same way that chubby white men do...

i think about weddings... how even though its what i never want... how much hope it really gives me to see two people talk and believe in the power of forever... to say "my best friend"
and that makes me wonder if that is what i can say of mine these days

i push away that ghostly thought

drink more shots

they wont let me pay

we toddle separate ways

3 ghosts walking home


- kim thompson. friday 2 july seoul, s. korea. 18.45