angels/demons

im an angel full of dark
a demon full of light
one on my left
the other on my right
a bastard in the middle

angel's name is c.s. after lewis
demon's name is charles after bukowski
bastard's middle is named
kim.

theres an outer and an inner
a shade between the grey

the kindest sort of naughty
the raunchiest sort of reverent
the dreamiest cynic
the most jaded kind of resilient hoper

and every reason
(my grafted)
family tree
thinks me
damned to hell
is every reason why im
heaven bound
but every reason why you think me paradise headed
is every thing im trying to
reckon with my
night.

yes.
i AM a poet who weeps at falling leaves
and stares slack-jawed at the sky
but im also
the jackass who takes irreverence one/two/three step(s) too far
and the pervert who is tied to
devilish delights.

i don't worship any name-ed god
(even humanism smacks of some kind of
pre-prescribed practice)
(and anyways
im tainted from being gagged on
jesus and his goddamned fuckin' cross)
but still each day i take the time
to sit
and
breathe
the here
and
now
because it's balance that i seek
between my
outer
inner
in betweens
of
c.s.
charles
and
kim.

keep my lust in check -
let it dance dirty in the cage ive built for it
to keep it well behaved -
but sometimes
the demon charles whispers through the fermentation of a night
and it flies free
like some kind of
angel in heat
with an impish bastard's grin.

my halo is held intact by horns
my forked tail kept from lashing by my not going to tat em on my back-
wings.

i will weave you the most
lovely gown of
words
all true
all meant --
but in the next
i'll shred them off
to take you then and there

and for so long
there was always some kind of
holy battle waging 'tween these seeming
splits
one side always winning
and always getting / causing
pain

somewhere in the midst of
finding
has been this calming
of the seas

where the dark angel c.s.
and the sentient demon charles
now allow the
full truth bastard kim
to
float a line
of
calm
alarming
swayful
balance
in the breeze of their
windy incantations
of
lust
desire
poetry
inner peace
and all things
seeming
contradictory.

angel
demon
bastard
we are coming one.


(rothko moment from my airplane seat in the sky above the sea -- the sky as it was... the light and dark as it is)

- kim thompson. mon 24 oct @ 13.13 seoul. s. korea