retrospective

i stand
no...
sit
here
half submerged beneath the city streets
watching summer pass
watching the year flash by
like buses at the rotary
- writing drafts
not completed
but words down anyhow
wondering
what will be
but knowing just exactly
what is

and i think of leaves that have come and gone
like loves.
summers in the park
that i usually chose to ignore
due to heat
scowling at the algae filled lake
retreating to my artificial but
cooled
air
and wooden floors.
(ah how i miss
those wooden floors)

i rise from beneath these streets
to amble down the way
to purchase coffee
to smoke a cigarette
to buy juice
to go out and grill some fatted calf
(there was no father waiting with outstretched arms
so i cook my own beef
and cheers myself
for coming back to here)

summer
spring
last year's winter
soon to be autumn
soon to be winter
soon to be
another year

almost 8 months of a practice
and how things have slid into
new
grooves
(still i seek a teacher)
youd never think it
guess it
from how i carry on when in public
but there are things i practice
that are keeping me sane
this could all be much worse
if not for
breathing.

it is not
that i do not want
or
need you
it is that
i cannot see you
but you are not
out of (my) mind
i just see no need to want
what is not in front of me
and yet so badly do i want my life
that is not fully realized...
one day
one day
one day
yes
to all of this

so much happens in a year
so much happens in a day
even when not looking

dying is the struggle to stay above the surface
im resting at the bottom of the pool
watching the sun above the waters
watching the world from beneath the streets

and one day soon
with words anew
i shall fly above these streets
and part the waves
with one word

but for now
here below
is exactly where
i am.
the struggles been drowned out
and lungs are
free
to
carry on.


kim thompson seoul s.korea thursday 11 aug 11 @ 13.27