heart shards

i wonder what its like for you

on the opposite end of the same

(pain) line

as

(me)



the leaver

and the left

a place for where there is no "right"

only

somewhere

in between



used to think that

mine

was worse

than yours

but being here

knowing (you)

i think now maybe

(yours) is worse

than

(mine)



we (both) live with loss so deep

but (yours) is also mixed with guilt

and (mine) with only lack of comprehension



i used to think

(fear)

that only i was wondering

now,

knowing (you)

i realize how deep wondering can go

to the point of

burying

denying

and running

(mine "towards"

and yours "away from")



i was both

your

redemption

and your

reminder

(i often wondered how much it hurt you

to know

just how flat your excuses sounded

when bounced off of one like me

who is a reminder of

a name like mine that my own blood did not speak for years

but kept deep inside her heart)



we are together

broken shards of hearts

only

ive found out

just how large my heart is

and what i can make with all those broken pieces

"stained glass windows"

is my new cliche

"stained glass window"

is my new constructionist's belief

of what i'll build from

broken bits of heart

to make a window for letting in

and not a wall for keeping out



and i wonder

what its like for you at night

when you feel the loss of what your arms once held

(youve) helped me to understand that

i cannot

blame

or

understand

(her)



that like you

she too

was once

young

and

scared

and in that one last act of

oddly labeled time of courage

lost everything



today

as the wind blows into my windows

i think

of you

opposite side of me

as i gather up my shards

and rebuild

and you and she

slice your hearts to pieces



- kim thompson 9 mar '11 wed. 18.02 -- seoul. s.korea