after dreaming

and after the dream fulfilled

"then what?"

waiting

ready

to begin

to want

again


after "wanting" so much

comes "having"

the "having" being harder than the 32 years of "wanting"

and then the greatest hardest newest challenge:

"to want - AGAIN"


where do dreams go after they are found?


where do birds fly after they have

well...

"flown" ?


dreams

true dreams

do not begin at night

but in the middle of the day

somewhere between the bed and the bus line...


theyre tearing down sultang

the night before my dream came true

that is the place that heard my fears over a bottle of beer and a lot of smoke

that is the place you found me at

before i found you the next


these days

i watch them tear down the ugly walls

men sitting on chairs around a fire

the sky exposed from the labor of their hands

the walls smeared in paint as if someone high on lsd or shrooms was having the trip of their life

only to discover the next day why painting when high is a regrettable thing

they are now ripped from the top as if a five year old decided to forgo scissors


and i hear the whisper again

- its time - let go - begin again - only here can you sense the sky

mpls my beloved but mpls my ceiling

seoul my tormented lover but seoul my endless sky


it is not the destruction of a dream

it is the rebuilding of a place that lasted years longer than it should have

that was stunted in its own lack of growth

-- i am so much taller than you know --


what do dreams become after they are gathered in the relief of letting go of 32 years of tears

what do dreams become after you have finally found your face?


where do dreams begin

after the only words to describe fall under the cliches of:

"magical"

"mysterious"

"miraculous"

and

"fairy tale come to life"

-- better than anything KBS could have scripted and filmed...


they tell (me)

"this only proves you can have it all"


"but i already do"

i say to (them)


... how do you dream again

after you did the impossible?

-- am i to turn water into wine?

-- walk on water?

-- turn fishes and loaves into one big surplus picnic?

-- rise from the dead?

i am not holy and i am not one third of some perplexing trinity...


so what is there left to want?

to see the world that ive already 3 to 4 continents explored?

to be what i already am no matter how it is my bills get paid?

to expand my heart when it's already burst?


what does life grow into after you no longer want but instead already have?


"dream the next impossible thing"

im told


to which i respond

"that seems... implausible"


... today ive passed sultang twice

now darkened inside

the trippy ripped up walls challenging the night to finish them off


i see in that corner that still exists but may be gone tomorrow or the next

us sitting shivering heating our hands over a candle

building dreams from fears

how for that moment you cracked

and i saw you for all that is you

and you saw me for all that is me

and for that night we had love that we took the wrong direction


i see us talking

maybe back then i saw the me from now passing by - perhaps that is why i shuddered at the thought of ghosts haunting us into reality


i see us then

in that corner

that each time i sat there after... i drank out of remembrance for the sacred-ness of how life is so ordinary the night before 32 years of an impossible dream is found sitting cross legged with right hand over heart that laurie had foretold me to know...


these days i pass by the bar

watching walls disappear and blue sky reveal itself


and i think the same thing

i hear the same thing

i carry the same thought


"that night is long over - your new day is rising - the sky is revealing -
kim child,
its time to start wanting again."

- kim thompson. seoul. s. korea - thursday 27 jan 2011 - 19.35