train

a shinkansen of smells tells
the stink of the day pervading invading
a symphony of sniffles ripples
past my wide-open ears tears
dribble down my cheeks silent violent
convulsions shake my heart apart
searching for something aimlessly gainlessly
feeling alone in a people field yields
not a single emotion worthy of thought wrought
with feelings warm + pure sure
i'm enveloped in the glow though
blow by blow i fall all
i know + love gone song
waves cascade + provide hide
behind colored yarn harm
still finds my core bore
deep, deep inside past my breaker faker
and faker my emotions become mum
is the word I can't express chest
full heavy weighed down found
not the reason why I cry
from the inside but not out doubt
still rakes its fingers down my spine time
doesn't heal a wound that opens again defend
against these assaults is futile while
I die inside at every train station inundation
of sadness at every stop made laid
damage to my spirit aflame game
played + overwhelmingly lost cost
to my heart is more than the fare dare
I search for the reason season
changes mean nothing to this gnawing drawing
upon my mental faculties belies tries
I've made + failed trailed
back towards the road less traveled by try
as I might I can't stay on track back
in time I progressively regress less
of myself I bring back to the next place erase
my face from the window happy sappy
songs lip-synched but never manifested arrested
heart drops crimson like dew new
situation arises never forever
burning under my own match catch
myself running back to moments long past fast
journey back if I can fan
not turned on I sweat let
it drop from my conscience swift gift
to myself for leaving behind mind
situations that find me constantly
despite sequestering attempts exempts
my mind hurdling any obstruction construction
of barriers mindless + weak streak
lights dazzle my eyes but not my soul control
of those plastic walls falls
upon the part of me that never rests requests
a return ticket to my dark corners foreigners
don't understand this why should these please
I'm too tired to stand demand
a window seat to rest confess
my sins to my mind to allay parlay
a compromise to this emotional discontent repent
all the wrong I've done none
can offer comfort complete replete
with kind words to alleviate deviate
does my mind towards the effects rejects
the kind comments as laden with the devoid avoid
like an emotional plague vague
unclear the course permutates fates
get me off the beaten track back
I can't go until I know so
much confusion turns my spirit gray day
or night it doesn't matter shatter
the windows I see myself in win
my heart desperately screams dreams
mix to make reality soup hoop
is the shape of my progression regression
renders my soul raw thaw
my soul from it's slumber cold hold
my soul in your arms until returned life knife
my soul into pieces to remind find
my soul injured + uncared for bore
my soul with a sharp drill kill
my soul until I can rise disguise
my soul before someone will decieve receive
my soul unto a new sun one
day I will ride this train car far
into the distance without thinking sinking
down towards the depths of despair care
not of these problems pervasive abrasive
thoughts will never again hurt curt
stopping of these processes will prevail veil
necessary no longer stronger
will I become one day soon moon
will be welcoming to be return burn
with passion to love once more door
will open and through it I will file smile
will once again shine thru darkness